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My beloved dearest... How much I long for you.
I wish to become the blood running in your veins,   the air in your lungs...

Haha no, this is not what it sounds like. The above is based on a conversation I had with my friend :) (and neither of us would be actually considered as a romantic person...)

Sometimes I just sit and listen to the song "The Masochism Tango" by Tom Lehrer (video posted above).
I understand that's it's satire in its purest, bluntest form, and I love every minute of it.

Why should love be associated with red roses, and pink bubbles, confining the lovers in their own imaginary world? Let us be realistic, life is not a road paved with flower petals. If it were we would be unsatisfied with our lives.

One that has never felt pain and agony cannot appreciate the small joys of life.


I love my friends, they've been besides me at the roughest times of my life.
I have yet to experience romantic love. After all why should I rush? Life's ahead of me (well of course nothing guarantees that I won't die, say, tomorrow).

I prefer not to fret over issues like these. After all if I always worry about finding my true love, I will shun away the simple joys and the wonderful times I'll have with my friends.


I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

Say our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand. ecch!
It's here that I must be.
My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.

My soul is on fire,
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire
When we tango.

You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Ev'ry time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the masochism tango.

Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we'll never part.
I know too well
I'm underneath your spell,
So, darling, if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart.
Excuse me!

Take your cigarette from it's holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the masochism tango.


Have a wonderful summer :)


Sound Horizon

Sound Horizon is a japanese folk metal/fantasy/neoclassical metal band that I discovered yesterday... They're awesome!!!! I'm totally in love with their album "Moira" (Fate in Greek...) Here's their site
and here's a video of my favorite song from them

Enjoy <3

Lyrics and their influence... Part 1

 In this post I'll mention some of the lyrics that have a huge impact on my life as well as videos with the songs. Ahem, let's begin:

Current 93 - A Gothic Love Song

I'm clicking your fingers for a gothic twilight
That actually existed just in your head
Your fingernails painted black
Or bloodred
I forget

And your fake-leather volumes
Jabbering on hell
Manifest decadence was what you hoped to exhail
Your eyes tried so hard to glitter

A star-snuffing black
So you opened your books
And you opened your legs
And so opened your heart
And let in the badness
You claimed
As your friend
With un-angels hovering
Like flies round the orchard
That had covered your soul
Their empire increasing
And your country
Deserted by yourself

The bells of St. Mary call us to remember
That life is with end
And the gestures can kill us
Moreover destroy
And there is one judgment only

Your letters came daily
In French or in German
But they meant to me nothing
I caught the slow cords
And dry ice fogging your mind
I see all too clearly now
Why you could be discarded
And though I could pray for you
I probably shan`t
Having had my cup filled up
With your lies
And your makeup
You were nothing
Thinking you`re something

And nonetheless I still write this gothic lovesong
A sign to myself
And the memory of my past
I still write this gothic lovesong
And the memory of my past

And a way to shut out your face

This song has probably the most influence on me... It speaks of how fake people are, trying to be somebody they're not....



Bauhaus - Mask

The man of shadows thinks in clay
Dreamed trapped thoughts of suffocation day
He's seen in iron environments
With plastic sweat out of chiselled slits for eyes

From the growth underneath the closed mouth
You'll catch if you listen
Rack-trapped cubist vowels
From a dummy head expression
From a dummy head expression

The transformation is invested
With the mysterious and the shameful
While the thing I am becomes something else
Part character part sensation

The shadow is cast

Not much to say on this... It describes how I feel most of the time :/


Metallica - One

I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, wake me

Back in the womb it's much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But can't look forward to reveal
Look to the time when I'll live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, wake me

Now the world is gone, I'm just one
Oh God help me
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

*sigh* sometimes I feel trapped inside my body, unable to utter a single word, when I have no connection to reality...





Tears of Mirth (poem)

Wrists bound tight, eyes blindfolded.

One is sitting down, another staring in wonder.

Tears of mirth; they come from the laughter,

as this reality begins to shutter.

He hears a voice inside his ear,

and starts losing what he holds dear.

The voice speaks: You have failed.

The mouth is muffled, the heart prevailed

Insanity is engulfing him, logic fades away.

The end is near him, this life drains away...


O fortuna (poem)

O fortuna, thou art the Lord.
Not a Saint oh dark creatura
Tell me to do thy biding,
and have no mercy on my sinful soul.
Challenge me, burn me, torture me!
For thou art the Lord,
oh Lord of Darkness and Hope,
you benevolent phantom.
Why do you keep talking oh Holy one,
and never show thy face?
Why can't I kill this God inside of me?
Hear me cry!
Absurd! Absurd!
Loyal darkness, sinful light.
Sacred spirit of the night,
lone wolf in the moonlight.
All I could see was darkness.
Suffocating, burning, tearing apart.
Torturing my whole entity,
turning my soul into dust.
Dust, blown away by a breeze of air.
And thus my soul is gone,
my insanity shattered,
my empire of logic exploded.
I see, alas, all too clearly now,
that my being has been discarded.
And though I cry for you
you never appear.
Left alone.
Mindless chatter in my ears.
The sound of your voice
is what I long for oh sinful one.
I loathe you yet I cry for you,
Into the blackness of the night.

My mind is corrupted.
For I am nothing but a mere thought,
a creature in disguise,
A being with Thanatos.
Darkness, Light, Water and Fire!
Gods of the Elements,

set me free...


Note: Thanatos is a post-Freudian term for death drive


The Sandman (poem)

Come in, come in my dearest friend.
I bid you welcome to my dream.
Come in, come in just stroll with me,
In the realms of my mind.
And as the rays of the darkest of suns
burn my eyes
I stand with you,
following you into thy kingdom.
And as I turn around,
a tear escapes my eye
I fear you, yet I long for you,
for thou art my lord.
Oh Lord, Lord of dreams!
Emperor of this frail empire!
Hear the song I sing for you.
Bless you, oh Dream-Shaper, do thy biding.
For I am a mere visitor into this world
To ease, to please and teach.
For thou art the Sandman.

Danse Macabre (Uchiha Madara fanfiction)

a  Madara blinked twice to make sure that he was witnessing was not a dream. He could remember seeing red before everything went black. As he watched his surroundings he realized that he wasn't in the battlefield near the village of Konoha.There were no screams to be herd and no corpses were lying down, with faces having looks of horror, agony, or pain. No the landscape was flat and there was nothing he could notice in the horizon, with exception of a couple of trees, that life has long left them. It was rather cold. The faint light that managed to pass through the, not so thick, fog, indicated him that he was definitely nowhere close he has ever been in his entire life. The only signs of life was the faint flow of water somewhere near him. Suddenly he felt someone's presence. He turned around no one. He couldn't feel the presence anymore. Being cautious he took a few steps backwards. Bad idea. He felt himself loosing his balance and seconds later his back collied with the surface of cold, black water. The last thing he saw before the dark water engulfed him was the inhumanly pale face of someone, a sardonic smile crossing the stranger's face.

He tried to open his eyes as he felt a faint light hitting his eyelids. Cold stone was what he felt he was lying on. He tried standing up. Why was he feeling so tired all of the sudden he couldn't tell. Something was definitely wrong with this place. It looked like an underground cave. He could hear the flow of the water. He looked to his right. Yeah, there was the river he had fallen in. He glared at the black calm water, that was creating sounds from the flow. To him hey seemed like whispers. As if the water was mocking him. The same glimpse of light that had hid his eyelids, now flashed.

He turned around and saw a lake with a small island in the middle. There was some weird light coming from that island. Madara's curiosity over helmed him and decided he wanted to know what the source of that weird light was. He noticed a wooden boat, left on the lake's shore. He used the boat to go across. As much as he would reach the island, the more fear he felt inside. Why was that he didn't know. As the wood hit rock, he stepped on the hard surface. He raised an eyebrow. The light was coming from some kind of crystal. He came closer and his eyes widened slightly. The crystal was bleeding? There were small drops of blood dripping on the ground. He reached his hand and touched the blood from the ground. It was indeed the crimson liquid that was necessary for life. The question was though, how could this happen. Suddenly he heard the snap of a piece of wood as it broke. He turned around and saw the same deathly pale face, smirking mockingly at him. Madara had only a nanosecond to think, before everything went black.

His head ached and he felt his body numb. He could hear screams and some songs sung in an unknown to him, language. He opened his eyes, but saw nothing. He waited for his eyes to adjust in the darkness. He tried to stand up, but found out that he couldn't. He was tied up with some material he was unfamiliar with. He tried breaking his bonds. Impossible. He felt that he had no chackra at all. Suddenly he saw a person coming towards him. He was a middle-aged man, wearing ragged clothes, head drooped, his steps, reminded him of a drunken man's. He stood near him and then sat on his knees, dull eyes that seemed to see nothing. Madara tried to speak to find out that he had no voice. He struggled a bit against his bindings, even though he knew it was pointless. More people appeared, from all ages and genders, all dressed in ragged clothes and body stance same as the man's. Three more sat besides Madara. After everybody took his place, silence fell.

The four people surrounding him grabbed him and held him above their heads. Music started playing. Suddenly all the people's heads raised, eyes rolling backwards and mouths parted. As someone gave a signal, they started running straight ahead. Fires appeared on the sides of the path. They slowed down and moved according to an odd dance, with no certain steps, just rhythm. They reached a person dressed in black from head to toes. Madara blinked as he saw that this man was the same he encountered before. The same deathly pale face, with the sardonic smile plastered on it, his skinny, almost anorexic, figure. Only now he was wearing a black cloak and held an onyx colored scythe. His eyes become large as dinner plates as he realized where he was and the identity of the man standing a few feet away from him. Suddenly the creature spoke, referring to the small crowd, in a dark and cold voice, that made Madara feel his blood freezing:

Her keyser euch hilft nicht das swert

Czeptir und crone sint hy nicht wert

Ich habe euch bey der hand genomen

Ir must an meynen reyen komen

An old man from the crowd stepped forward. He was wearing raggedy clothes as everybody else, even though his, seemed to had been expensive when they were new. The man talked as well, as if giving an answer:

Ich habe gehabt vil arbeit gross

Der sweis mir durch die haut floss

Noch wolde ich gern dem tod empfliehen

Zo habe ich des glucks nit hie

Madara had heard this language before. It has been some time, but it was from when he participated in a battle against a small group of Ostrogoths, wanting to invade the village. He, of course had won the battle, yet he couldn't forget this language that was so much different from his. People started holding each other's hand as if making a chain, him being put down but being held by his elbows and Death as the first link. They all started moving in a certain rhythm towards an opening. Madara still feeling paralyzed, just got carried like a big shack of potatoes.

They reached a large area, with something like a black hole in the middle. Death smirked and walked towards it, the crowd singing. He turned around and gave Madara a sadistic smirk before jumping in the hole. Everybody was still holding hands, so they fell into the hole, connected chain links, falling apart.

  Whispers. Voices. The faint sound of running water. Madara tried to find his way, in this darkness. He couldn't see nor feel, he could only hear. No sound was clear, no voice was understandable. Whispers and then silence. Silence that drove him crazy. His mental defenses, shattered, his hopes perished. Fear, strong fear overwhelming him. He tried to move but couldn't. He tried to breath, but no air found it's way towards his lungs. He felt his body slowly paralyzing. 'No' he mentally smacked himself. 'No, such thing as death can happen.' he tried harder and managed to take a breath. 'I shall not, submit myself in Death's cold embrace.' He managed to inhale and exhale a few more times. 'Not until I lose in his battle for conquer. In the end I shall be the one that rules death and nobody else.' He grinned insanely, a sadistic look in his eyes. He coughed softly and spat some blood. 'Blood? Ain't i supposed to be a spirit?' He wondered. A bright light blinded him, he felt his eyes burn, but he couldn't close them. All of his senses hypersensitive. The pain was great. He lost his consciousness.

He raised him self up with a swift motion, His whole body hurt and he was taking deep breaths. He opened his eyes. He was back in the battlefield. The battle was over. Dead bodies lying around disemboweled a smell of blood in the atmosphere. For about 20 meters ahead he could see people. They seemed pale almost no color left in them. He shifted his eyes to get a better look. A second later he goggled them. A mass of soldiers, enemies and allies were a crowd. Next to them stood death himself. In a sudden motion he appeared in front of him. Madara could see clearly all his features. Death bowed and spoke: You may have won the battle but I will win the war. Death comes for all, you won't be an exception" Madara bowed as well as a sign of acknowledgment yet didn't say anything. Death disappeared and reappeared next to the group of recently dead men. A second later they became fog and disappeared. Madara turned around and took his sword. "We'll see, who wins the war, in time.." He said in a low voice as he started walking back to his home, to treat his wounds and write down what he had experienced.

Music (incomplete journal)

Ultimate Music Survey

What is your favorite genre of music?: death metal
Why?: because
Name your favorite band(s): Death (All time favorite), Rammstein, Tristania, Marilyn Manson, Nightwish, Cannibal Corpse, Opeth, Versailles, Cradle of Filth, Bauhaus, Six feet Under
Name your favorite solo artist(s): Ozzy Osbourne
What is your favorite album?: Death - Scream Bloody Gore
What is your favorite album cover?: Cannibal Corpse - Gore obsessed
Name your favorite song(s): Pull the Plug (Death), Death Whispered a lullaby(Opeth), Execution(Cannibal Corpse), Swansong for a raven(Cradle of Filth),Third Uncle(Bauhaus), Whis I had an angel(Nightwish)
Favorite CD you own: Death - Scream Bloody Gore
Favorite song on your computer: Ange Noir - Satanique
Favorite song you DON'T have: Versailles - Red Carpet day
Favorite lyrics: Dead boy's poem (Nighwish), Death whispered a lulluby (Opeth)
Favorite vocalist: Chris Barnes, George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher(Cannibal Corpse)
Favorite guitarist: Hizaki from the gothic/visual kei japanese band Versailles
Favorite bassist: Twiggy (Marilyn Manson)
Favorite drummer: Yoshiki Hayashi from the pioneer visual kei japanese band X Japan
Favorite instrumentalist (any instrument not mentioned above): Shirakawa Gunpachiro. He plays the shamisen
Favorite classical / jazz composer: noone
Favorite rapper: noone
Favorite theatrical score: hmmm
Favorite of anything not mentioned: favorite songwriter: Chuck Shuldiner (Death) And yes I do love the band
The bad stuff
What's your least favorite genre of music?: greek music
Who's your least favorite band?: Tokio Hotel, linkin Park
Who's your least favorite solo artist?: Sakis Rouvas
Who do you think is the most annoying musician?: a lot
If you could shoot any "artist" or "band", who would it be?: If I say Tokio Hotel, Linkin Park and Avrile Lavinge will I get killed? *gets shot* thought so...
Who do you think is the least talented?: singers from most emo bands (i'm not bashing emo music I just think that most of the singers don't know how to sing/scream properly)
Least favorite song: Avril Lavinge - When you're gone
Most annoying song: anything from Tokio Hotel and Avril Lavinge (from the new album)
Most repetative song: many
Last song to be stuck in your head: 30 seconds to Mars - the kill
Did this survey just get that song stuck in your head again? (sorry): yeah X(
Worst band that used to be good?: Linkin Park (not good just ok)
A good band that used to suck?: no idea
Your musical backgroun
What was the first music you remember listening to?: classical
What type of music do your parents listen to?: greek music
Do you play any musical instruments, or sing? If so, elaborate.: I sing and play the guitar
Do you take lessons for instruments or voice? If so, for how long?: guitar for about 6 years
Do you plan to / have you gone to college for music?: no
Who are your musical inspirations?: Chuck Shuldiner (Death) Trent Razor (Nine Inch Nails)
Who was your first favorite band or artist?: My Chemical Romance (shocking eh?)
Who is your most recent favorite band or artist?: Versailles
What styles of music are you interested in learning about?: gothic
What styles of music do you already know a lot about?: metal (most kinds)
Do you know much about musical theory? If not, would you like to?: I do
If you take lessons, do you like your teacher(s)?: yeah
How many different music teachers do you have, or have you had?: 2
This or that
Classical or jazz?: jazz
Classic rock or modern rock?: modern
Rock or Rap?: Rock
Emo or Punk?: Punk OFC!!!
Funk or Blues?: Blues
Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin?: ugh this is hard ehm.. Led...no wait Pink... arh I can't choose!
Bob Marley or Michael Franti?: Bob Marley
Coldplay or Radiohead?: Radiohead
Guster or Dispatch?: Guster
John Mayer or Jack Johnson?: Mayer
Eminem or 50 Cent?: 50 cent
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?: neither
Backstreet Boys or N'SYNC?: neither
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?: Beatles
Beethoven or Mozart?: Mozart
Rachmaninoff or Debussy?: Debussy
Duke Ellington or Count Basie?: Duke
Electric or acoustic?: electric
Mandolin or ukulele?: madolin
Saxophone or trumpet?: saxophone
Why do you like music?: I can't explain it
When you're angry, what type of music do you listen to?: death metal
Has music ever made you cry? When?: no
Has music ever made you laugh? When?: ah yeah listening to some of Voltaire's songs :)
Do you like local music?: nooooooooo
What is the best show you have ever been to?:  ...I wish....
Have you ever played in any shows?: no
If so, what type of music was it?: I didn't
Do you enjoy being on stage?: no
Do you like to sing, even if you don't consider yourself a singer?: yes
If you could meet any musician and ask them for advice, who would it be?: Chuck Shuldiner R.I.P. (*seds a few tears at the idea that he's not in this world*)
If you could just chill with any musician, who would it be?: Dani Filth :)
What instrument that you don't play now would you like to learn next?: drums
Do you like foreign types of music? If so, what types?: yes visual kei rocks

Fill out this survey yourself
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Brought to you by Bzoink

Now for some videos. I've got several ones. Anime AMV's (I couldn't find the song anywhere else or the anime video was just plain awesome), videoclips, slideshows...and some tributes (Death. And yes they fucking rock). WARNING: some of the material viewed (or said) in these videos might be offensive. In that case there's a small red button at the top right of your desktop :)

Tristania - Angellore
My favorite song from my favorite gothic metal band :)

Sound Garden - Black Hole sun
This video is pretty sick.... I love it it gives me chills...

Opeth - Death whispered a lulluby
This song is pure awesomeness, I can't describe how much I love it.

BLOOD - Sweatest Disease
I recently discovered many visual kei/j-rock bands. The music is interesting so far.

Nine Inch Nails - Survivalism
NIN rocks 'nuff said.

Ugly Kid Joe - Cats in the cradle and a silver spoon.
The music is catchy lol

Nine Inch Nails - Closer(Fuck you like an animal)
Ah this is got to be my favorite NIN song. The video is not for everyone, but I find it hihgly creative.

Black Sabbath - Iron man (live)
I don't really think this needs a description. All hail the father of metal!

Dimmu Borgir - The sacriligeous scorn
Hmm I like the music and the video is cheesy :D

Cannibal Corpse - Make them suffer
Fuck yeah!! Now that's some awesome death metal!

Rammstein - Ich Will
Now this brings back memories. This is the first song I heard associated with metal. Back then it wasn't something that I liked but after a few years I came back to it as I remembered :)

Bauhaus - Bela Lugosi's dead
Ah yeah, the song that is said to have started the whole Goth subculture. Even though I recently started listening to goth music (two yeears)I think the song rocks and that Bauhaus kick asses. 

Smashing Pumpkins - Zero
...Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is goddliness and god is empty just like me.... Yeah classic Pumpkins :)

Bauhaus - Third Uncle
And yes I do know this is a cover of Eno's original. This was actually the first song I ever listened from Bauhaus (I didn't know it was a cover) but I fell in love with it. Listen to it it's pure awesomness.

Death - Pull the Plug (live)
Ha, you thought I wouldn't post my favorite band here didn't you? Oh well this is my favorite song and the video rocks even if it's a live. R.I.P. Chuck, you are missed.

John Lennon - Imagine

Theatres des Vampires - Les Litanies de Satan
Even though i don't know a word in French I like it. Poetry mixed with a lovely musical backround played on the piano.